Kids will be kids?

Something that I keep noticing in South Africa is the mentality of mothers and their approach to parenting. It may seem that I’m talking loosely and have no right to judge a parent as I am not one myself, but I am in no way saying this is negative behaviour; merely something that is interesting. I should probably also add that the mothers in question are those of poverty, those I have encountered on the streets and in the townships. These mothers treat their children as though they are much older than their years, and though of course their love for their young is undeniable, the way they interact with them is something that continues to intrigue me. They don’t pay attention when they fuss; they hoist them up on their backs with little tenderness and allow their babies to sit there squashed to their backs for sometimes hours on end.

If anything, I commend these women. In Western society, we indulge children so much, almost too much I feel. Of course it’s perfectly natural and loving to coo over a little one and show it love and affection at all times, but in my (naïve) experience, it seems like these African mothers have developed a more successful method. And the result is that you rarely see their children sulk, whine or cry. I think I can count on one hand the instances that I have seen a black baby crying. They sit like little patient angels on their mum’s backs, happily bobbing along as she sets about her day. They are brought along to work and forced to entertain themselves, sometimes with less than a plastic bottle of a bit of wood. There are few Western mothers who would ‘put their children through this’. Mothers in the UK, although I am in no way faulting their parenting in any way, are on call at all times and cosset their children at every opportunity. I am sure there are exceptions and of course I appreciate that I am speaking somewhat generally. And I’m sure a lot of you are thinking, ‘so what, that shows an attentive parent’. And you’re right.

My experience with young children comes from being an off and on nanny for 6 years. I adore children. I find them interminably fascinating and fun to be around and admire their wonderful ability to ground adults and hold them in the present. Children at a young age don’t have the aptitude to worry about the future, they only live for the day; something I can bet a lot of you wish you had. I sure do anyway. In my opinion, from the mothers I have had the pleasure of working with, those that shone were the ones who didn't let it worry them when they encouraged their child to amuse him or herself. Ultimately, I think these children will grow up to be far more self-sufficient and less insecure, so for the short period of time where it must feel like one is ‘abandoning’ their children, in the long run it is definitely for the best.

African children seem to display a maturity that you don’t see in their counterparts in the UK. They often have the responsibility of a younger sibling once they reach a certain age, a job that they do with dignity and love. They work from an age that some people in the Western world would be stunned at, but again, do this it appears with minimal fuss.  They seem to have been instilled with the right values from a tender age and a knowledge (despite this perhaps not being verbalised) that they must work for their food, their home and their school.  They work to live. You see a fierce pride in their eyes which I find humbling. I think we could all take a leaf out of these African mothers’ books. I’m sure a lot of them wish they could swap lives with a mother from the UK, having the luxury of spoiling and doting over their child, but life sadly hasn’t dealt them those cards. I’m not saying to UK mothers ‘strap your baby to your back and ignore him/her’ but perhaps a little less indulgence wouldn't be such a bad thing? And hey, you may get a little less crying -that wouldn't be such a bad thing would it?!